


To Close Up The Hole That Tore Through My Skin

by catsandrobbers



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28434315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsandrobbers/pseuds/catsandrobbers
Summary: Link was kneeling against the bed, hands clasped around his rosary, when Allen came in the from the shower. “You never prayed at all before. Why so much now?”
Relationships: Howard Link/Allen Walker
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	To Close Up The Hole That Tore Through My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on tumblr a long time ago, and realized it’s still probably on tumblr even though I don’t have an account anymore.  
> The recent chapters, and that I thought this series had gone through 2 time skips when actually maybe a full year has passed in universe, made me lose a lot of interest in this series but I still really like how this came out.

Link was kneeling against the bed, hands clasped around his rosary, when Allen came in the from the shower. “You never prayed at all before. Why so much now?” Allen flopped down on the bed, but got no reaction from Link.  
Allen picked at a loose thread in the sheets, studying Link, while his attention was focused elsewhere. Allen had never noticed how calloused Links hands were before; how the knuckle on his left middle finger had clearly broken, and healed without ever being set. His face was free of any noticeable scars, but he had gathered lines around his eyes, deep enough that they still showed now, when his face was almost slack.  
“I had an anchor to tie myself to, then.” Links eyes opened, his gaze pining Allen in place. Something cold twisted in Allen’s chest that he didn’t want to think about. It must have mirrored on Allen’s face, as Links gaze softened before he turned away completely, rising to his feet. “It is not that I believe I can’t do what has to be done now, it’s simply unnerving.”  
Allen wanted to say that he was here for Link, but that sounded too much like a confession, too much like a promise he couldn’t keep. “Have you always had that rosary?”  
“Director Leverrier gave it to me, before he sent me out.” Link moved out of Allen’s immediate line of sight, but Allen could hear him opening a window.  
Allen struggled for any words. “It doesn’t bother you?” Those maybe weren’t the right ones, judging by the sigh Link let out.  
“No.”  
It hadn’t been so hard for Allen to come to trust Link, despite his ties - to Central, the Crow, Leverrier - because Allen quietly understood they knew a mutual pain.  
He was slowly picking a hole in the sheet, having nothing else to focus on, and nothing good to add to a conversation he had started.  
Likely sensing this, Link continued. “I’m not praying to the Director, or to the Order. I am not overtly devout, but I believe you Exorcist are proof something is guiding us. So, I call it God, and I pray.”  
“What were you praying for?” Allen asked, mostly to ward off the silence.  
“For those still at the Order. For the Exorcist. For the Crows. For Madarao, and Tokusa, and Tevak, if they still live. That Goushi and Kiredori’s spirits are at peace.” Link paused there, the noises from the street overtaking the room, as if the weight of what he said was only just coming over him. “For Kanda & Tiedoll, to not fall, despite their digressions. That Gill makes it through whatever encounters us next. For you.”  
Allen successfully ripped a hole in the sheet. He was trying to be careful about what he said next, but his mind was ringing. “…Not for yourself?” Allen could feel Links gaze heavy on him, but he made no move to meet it.  
“No. I accepted I was damned the moment I drew a weapon against another person.” His voice had such a finality in it, Allen wanted to scream at him.  
“You told me you’re not going to die for me.”  
“I won’t.” He crossed back to the bed, laying a hand across Allen’s arm. “But I’ll have to ensure that by my own power.”  
Even through the layer of fabric between them, the touch still fucking burned. As Link began to pull back, Allen’s own hand shot out, grabbing Links wrist and pulling him back.  
“You’re so stupid.” Allen could feel his features twisting into a snarl, as he finally met Links face. All that greeted him was that placid, empty expression, that Allen had really come to hate. “You’re so full of crap! You give everything to the Order, you don’t even think you can beg to god for help, and you still believe in any of this?” A twinge of pain surged through Allen’s left arm, and his grip around Links wrist involuntarily tightened. Annoyance flashed briefly across Links features, but he sat down next to Allen all the same. “Why? Is Leverrier worth that much to you?”  
Links hand came up to grip Allen’s jaw, insisting he keep his attention. “You know what it’s like, to starve on the streets. To have nothing, and hope against all hope, that you wake up tomorrow.” Link stopped, waiting for Allen to take in what he had said. When the anger had almost completely seeped out of Allen’s expression, he continued. “More than you understand maybe, I also had people I was responsible for. They had to rely on me.” Links gaze shifted away from Allen, his hand sliding down to rest on Allen’s shoulder. “I became ‘Link’ when I joined the Crows. I believed I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t considered that I had made a mistake, because there was nothing to go back to.” Allen watched Link blink rapidly a few times in succession, as he seemed to be losing his grip on that signature Crow look. Allen let go of his wrist, although it was hard to say if that made things better or worse. “I love you,” The calm staccato of his previous tone was gone, his voice now thicker. “But if my actions hadn’t lead to Third Exorcist program - to the inevitable death of my only real family - my faith would be unshaken.”  
Allen didn’t bring up that Link had completely, and intentionally, dodged talking about Leverrier.  
Links hand retreated from Allen’s shoulder, as he seemed to fold in on himself just slightly.  
Allen’s own hands were shaking, as he reached out to wind his arms around Link, pulling him closer. A ragged breath ghosted over Allen’s collarbone, as Link gave into the embrace. He didn’t cry, but allowed Allen to hold them awkwardly together for longer than was probably comfortable.


End file.
